dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
