Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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