whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
