Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
