Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
