remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm just crazy horny about you
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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