wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
