you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
