my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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