I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
