and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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