Only a mothe r could love this liver
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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