My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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