Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
