my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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