Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
