You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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