Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
