...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
