You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
