I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we're making bets on your personal life
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
