It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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