she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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