o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
