please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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