he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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