You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
