I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
