My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
