Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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