The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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