just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
