I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
