matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So many bounce houses so little time
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
