My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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