You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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