Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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