so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
