i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
