you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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