we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
