someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
