Your dad touched me again.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
