Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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