Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
