What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
