HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
