i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize