Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
