Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
