You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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