yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
