it wasn't lemon gatorade
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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