i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
