My hand turned me down
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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