I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
