Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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