you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
