Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
