What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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