He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
