is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
