I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
