hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
