went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize