new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize