I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
