just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
