I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
